It Was Time For A Change 7/13/2019
I am so grateful for this forum. Blogging is new to me. I even have a website after all these years. WHOOHOO!!! I want to share with all of you my journey into living a healthy lifestyle. It was not easy and posed so many challenges. It involved so much more than a fit body that exercises and eats right. My mind was poisoning me. I resisted and just wanted to be right and look good to everyone and not admit that I had problems. Healing involved commitment and consistency. When the going got the toughest, even though I wanted to, I NEVER GAVE UP. I DIDN'T QUIT. These words are probably the most important in my life. I was severely bullied as a child at home, in school and in the neighborhood. My parents and the kids were relentless. I was effeminate growing up and was unmercifully verbally, physically and emotionally abused. I lived in my own world not able to trust anyone. Isolation was my life. Hiding was my refuge. Those are the facts. I turned to drugs, alcohol, food, exercise and sex to quell the pain I was constantly in. I built up so much emotional baggage with hate, resentments and anger that I couldn't see life beyond my own clouded eyes. I was in a prison of my own making. In my 20's when I started teaching fitness and in my 30's a healthy chef, I thought of myself as such a spiritual person, a guru. I was a Mr. Know-It-All thanks to my ego. It took practice to come across that I had it all together. It was hard work. I turned daily to my addictions in order to cope. My body looked great but my heart was broken. I told everyone how they should live their lives with exercise and good nutrition but all along I hated myself and felt like a hypocrite. I constantly had thoughts of suicide but thank goodness they were only thoughts and I never acted out on them. At 35 years old I decided enough was enough and I became sick and tired of being sick and tired. I had to make a change. So often this awareness doesn't come to so many and I feel such compassion for what people must go through. I understand. I lived it. In 1981 I got into recovery and began healing through 12 step meetings, workshops, therapy, reading and writing. It was challenging work but I stuck to it. I believe all of us are in search of meaning in life and that was my main goal. Yes fitness and nutrition are vital to life however, working on cleansing the negativity in my mind was even more important. A negative mind poisons the body with stress, headaches and changes the chemistry of the body to attract illnesses and death. The body wants to heal if given the right environment but will finally succumb after being bombarded day in and day out. There's only so much it can take. After years of therapy, reading self help books, attending self improvement workshops such as Essence of Being, The Gratitude Training, EST, The Forum and several others I was on my way to healing. It took dedication, commitment and claiming responsibility for my own life. It took letting go of blaming others for what they did, forgiving others who hurt me and most importantly forgiving myself. The self loathing began to melt away and the genuine, authentic Eddie Grosman started to shine and the light has become brighter as I grow. I am 72 years young and still growing and changing. I step through fears, widen my comfort zone and love myself. I am meant to be a healer and could not inspire others until I began to heal myself. There's still much to be done but life is such a blessing. I am so grateful for the adversities in my life because they have allowed me to deeply feel the blessings. Being a spiritual person is an inside job. There is so much more to the story but I can only give you the short version right now. I hope this touches at least one person. |
